emo-ing II

well, i did nothing for today..

try to finish my essay, i did half of it and i went to sleep..
until now!! finally my brain get clear.. and im a little bit energetic as compared to this morning..

i think the sleep is worth for it since that..i will continue it after that..

Looking at my msn, i have no intention to switch my status to online..

becos i was not in the mood to chat and u are not online..

so i m blogging again.. dono why.. when i have nothing to do, i will feel like writing something..

over and over... i like to express my thinking out some where.. if i find i cant say it out..

i prefer to write it out and keep it in somewhere secure.. somewher safe.. somewhere private.. somewher belong to me oni! where i can say anything i like..

oh well, i manage to finish one essay but i left two.. so i dono how..

and my mind told me to shut down edi.. so i donwan to force myself too hard as well.. i just find it is hard..and it is so suffer..just allow me to lazy for this time....

well, i find out i really cant bear with her anymore. sigh, i feel so hard to breather when i stay at this unit, i don feel like staying here, yea, she doesnt do anything to me anymore, even talk aso we had minimize it as possible as we can.. but then i still see her bu shun yan!! and i dono how to do!! haih... therefore, an idea to move out from the unit appear from my mind, i feel like going to the residence center and request for shifting out..

to get rid of her, move to a new unit, maybe when i don face her tat much, i wont feel she is so fake and ugly, and i wil change my perception towards her..then i can face her more naturally.. i feel so suffer when i still have to masking at home!!OMG, who can put off my mask.. and let me be myself...

but then all this is impossible for me, whr am i going to move.. right? haih.. and if i moved, more things will happen, sometimes i just wan to get rid of these problems, they have been haunting me man!! oh damn.. i really donwa give them a shit.. but then i couldnt.. the previous friendship was so real but then why.. it changes to be so evil in a short time..

my pm now is showing " the irony in the real life world is good people all dead and the one who survive will be evil." it is so unfair right.. why could this happen? but then this is the true reflection of life. maybe i should say it in other words, not evil people will be able to survive, it is people who can adpat accroding to environment will survive, my dad told me, past thing is past and u will never can get it back, so is that the memories that fade can oni be keep in heart but no more chance to be realise? haih.. sigh again!!!

well, im quite emo for the whole day, i dono why.. actually i feel better after i woke up from the sleep.. but then when i laughed, my heart actually was feeling very empty.. it has nothing inside.. i have no heart to do anythg.. i don feel any satisfaction in it.. and i will start to think myself in a very fake way.. u ever told me that , the way i laugh to u is very fake, just like how i laugh with her, well.. i think so.. after being so long time with her and be in that kind of class, i start to laugh in a fake way, and sometimes i even confused with the fake and true.. i even get use to it until i reallt tot i should react in that way.. until it becomes so natural....

i donwan to lost myself in this reality life.. i wan back the true self, the one who laugh when really happy and cry out loud when im in sad.. can i ?