崩溃

发现最近的我，很爱哭，
为什么？假期期间，不停的追戏看，同时间， 眼泪也不停得流，
我也不明白为什么，只是放纵的，让自己的眼泪随心情而泄，
我觉得我自己好像崩溃了，动不动就流泪， 动不动就伤心，
但是，伤心事完全没理由的，
我好想有个人在身边，呵护着我，可是，这个愿望，在此时此日，是那么的遥远，那么的不可抵达，
傻傻的我，还为了这事哀悼，眼泪就是那么的顽皮，那么得不受控制，
一滴一滴的，滴落在床枕边，
不断的告诉自己，我不需要你的关怀，我懂我能熬下去的， 我真的懂，
我真的累了， 我不想再哭了，也不想再撑了，
我不明白，为什么每一段感情来到一个阶段后，所有的东西都不在一样了，所有的情感都变质了，我觉得，你不再像以前一样，那么爱我了。

unforgivable

maybe i just expect too much,
overall it is ok,
but why am i feel so umcomfortable now?
i know i can do much more better..
i know if i given more time..
i can find the answer..
but why..??
i just couldnt calm my heart down..
i couldnt forgive myself for the mistake..
it is so unforgivable..
i know i shouldnt stay at this point of time..
but..
sigh...

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

ughhh... i start to depress againnnnn.............
how come the feeling last not long...
i just motivated for a while, then i depress again......
wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
i aso donwan like that but i dono why i just cant be focus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FOCUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and i feel like SHOUTINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
i really wanna get crazy ediiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
and i feel like hitting something...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
cant be calm anymore...........

i m convincing myself...

trial is going to kill me..
as it approaching me, i felt a stress and pressure on me...
i try to handle it with my best, bt sometime i still default to the little devil in my sub-concious.
i think postively, i think i could manage to finish it by today..
yeah i did, but i lost some part as well..
i donwan to let the pesmisticm to kill my positive ion.. as it doesnt help me in succeeding in anyway..
i had work out for one whole day, i think i lost most of my brain cell.
but i m telling myself, just few more days..
few more days later i will be free from this jail..
this parole period.. dammit..
then i can get free.. and celebrate raya, tho im not malays. hees..
im so tired right now.. tired psychologically..
and emotionally..
should i continue or slacking???
i chose slacking right now..
but i know i will be regretting tomorrow..
yet studying now actually not much helping me..
becos i cant even concentrated and focus...
so why not i get some relaxation and gain back my concentration..
huh.. sound convincing ya.. this is the sound of devil..
omg.. there are always conflicct between the rational and the wish..
but confident people owes know what they want to do is it not??
so i thhink im still lck of confident that why i could make up my decision..
come on baby, you are the best..
you can do it..
it is just a trial marrr..
not a big deal aso... as long as you understand every single part of your topic,
you had done your job..
tomorrow is just a test, testing your understanding level,
if there is extraordinary question, it is just not your luck,
doesnot mean you are not good is it not???
trial doesnot equate to the end of the world,
you still need to continue in pursuing your study..
after one week holiday, you still need to study for your final..
at the present time, trial is playing great important role, but after you go through it, what is trial
?? just a forecasting yor result in final, but do it badly doesnt mean you sure do bad in your final..
baby, think it in a positive way, maybe this test could reveal your weakness in every single subjecct, maybe it just exposed to you what you are lacking for siting in your final exam..
you can take this opportunity to improve yourself..and then you could even better in your final that what it supposed to be...
so come on, be a bit motivated, don be so depressing..
it never help you anyway.. you are still you..
as long as you belive in your own power, no matter what and no matter how, the thing will come to you by itself, without your realisation on how it comes to you...
so pray to god and do your best...
the rest leave it to others to decide...
over attached on one thing might result in the opposite effect..
so why dont you be a little bit detached and get a little bit surprise??
who knows.. miracle might happen... =D

rubbish

i have worked for two days,
rejected many invitations to go out,
just for the sake of staying home and study,
then what have i done?
i wanna stuff the legal text book into my mind, can i??
so that i could be confident for my legal test,
well, it is not i wan to memorise by heart,
but why i feel what i have read in one minute ago ,
could disappear from my mind just like that???
what is the magic between them??
so i think i donwan overwhelmed my poor mind with all the words again,
and now it is time for me to pour them out by blogging over here.. Muahaha..
does this sound any sense in it??? hmmm.. ignore me then...
today is mooncake festival, well, not much special actually,
i cant feel any festival sense in my unit, instead i felt a bit more pressure for the exam circumstances,
hahaha.. cos everyone is studying.. especially econs..
my god, is the trial so scary?? why is it everyone scare of it??
honestly, it is really a monster, hahaha!! it can eat people up.. swallowing it by its bone as well..
once u aren;t careful enough, u might just jump into its trap and die inside its mouth..
Nah.. scary neh!! well, i know u are not scare. ahahaa...
what the bullshit im talking about????
actually nothing, so rubbishing over here..
deng, im not polluting the environment.. ( but making more rubbish to cyber space?? @_@)
ugh....
i m getting unconcious bout what im going to say..
so better leave it blank... hahahahaha.....

erm.. again..

final is around the corner, and trial just one week away,
i felt stressed up..
and i couldnt manage to finish my revision..
sigh...
i really feel so sad and depress...
i put a high expectation on it, but then i think i need to lower it down right now..
i don want to burden myself with unnecessary stress due to my own expectation.
that why maybe it is time to learn to let go lor...
i cant even manage the subjects that i actually confident with..
what else i can do??
useless me,
people say be confident and be positive,
nothing is impossible but then
again, my depression is evidence with a lot of unachievable targets!!
the high TER, am i able to achieve them and get into my 1st choice university??????
question mark, question mark and question mark,
no one know to answer...
people say it is fate whether we can go study overseas,
well, some argues that it depends on how much effort you put in,
so which should we taken and follow?
push yourself to the very best or do what you can do..?
so that your life is happier??
afterall, it is just a COLLEGE life..
two months later, this life will gonna end, no matter how much we have complaint about, dissatisfied with it..
it is going to end soon..
all the memories, arguments, all going to bury down to the earth...
and why are we still struggling right now?????

i hate ...

i miss you..
every moment i woke up from my sleep,
the only thing stuff in my mind is you..
it bothers my mind,
and i could not make myself concentrate any more..
and now i start to hate myself,
from being incapable to study..
what an irony huh..
what happen to me??
im solely the cause of all the consequence,
i cant blame others,
it is my heart, my mind, my sub-concious driving me,
controlling me...
i hate this, i hate myself,
but i cant change anything..
come on, i told myself,
time to wake up,
u have no much time left,
just few more moths,
everything will end,
just suffer a little bit more,
u can enjoy the riped fruits result from your effort...

omg omg omg...

well, i have a long weekend,
and my weekend actually full with maths!
haha.. wanted to finish ALL of my homeworks actually..
and start my revision, wow, what a ambitious wish ya!!
i rejected all the invitations and stayed at home.
however, i still failed to do so..
and the reason IS>>>> FACEBOOK!!!
my goodness, im addicted with the facebook games,
from path words, to bowling buddies,
i cant stop thinking of them ,
and i do enjoy much in the feeling of climbing up the ladder.. hahaa...
Therefore, here come the consequences,
i manage to finish my math homework, get ready of my econ presentation,
but i sacrifice my revision..
well, i know i should have give myself some space to breathe..
but the trial is around the corner, and i cant stop thinking it as well,
i wish it will never come, but it comes nearer and nearer,
just like a dinasour which going to beat me up and swallow me,
MUMMY, help!!
i set a target for myself, of cos, an ambitious one, again!
and i know i can never achieve it if i IMAGINE it without any action..
so i shall start my action now,
but.. ( see, im giving excuse again!!)
i really have no appetite to look at those note, i feel so annoy with all those words,
how to put them in into my brain??
omg omg omg....