emo-ing III

i cant sleep..
alot of things are lingering in my mind..
alot of scatter pieces are flying in my mind,
i tried to stick them together but i cant! it is too messy for me to arrange them..
evryone has their emotion and im not excluded, but i wonder why i just being so reluctant to face this world anymore.. i donwan to live with so many people, they are problems! what they know is oni creating problems.. haih, and sometimes i even hate myself for thinking too much.. think too much for those unnecessary stuff.. so back to the point, it is actually myself who make me to live suffer. hahaha.. wat a funny routine!!
i dint count days anymore. i no longer counting how many days have u been left.. but im looking forward for the days we are going to meet each other. is this a good sign? as im no more depressing and negative in this relationship? it is hard to go through.. but then if we are willing, we can right.? u asked me how much effort have i put in? 20%, 50% or 100%?? i dono wat is the exact figure, but i do treat u with all my heart, the feeling i have right now is very different from what i had last time. i can do anything for u to keep u stay with me.
i know i sound silly.. i will laugh at those people who act silly when they come to love. for example, mk, she can give all her money to her bf and she can go tattoo for it to show her love, well, honestly, i will be laughing at her and wonder why there is such a silly people in the world, cant she see that the guy is oni playing her and using her as a sex tool? but then.. if put it back to myself, when i met the one i really loved, i cant guarantee that i wont be doing the same..
that y , there are owes people to teach us, when u are laughing at others, don forget to look at urself, whether u are the same or not.. when u are pointing and blaming others, don forget there are aso four fingers to point at urself. how true could this be? sigh..
why i must have so much emotion, the more i know, the more i feel conflict..
why ? why ? why?? i end with questions again..
good night. sweet dreams.
tonight u din on9.. but nvm. we will have another chance to chat.
love u as usual.

emo-ing II

well, i did nothing for today..

try to finish my essay, i did half of it and i went to sleep..
until now!! finally my brain get clear.. and im a little bit energetic as compared to this morning..

i think the sleep is worth for it since that..i will continue it after that..

Looking at my msn, i have no intention to switch my status to online..

becos i was not in the mood to chat and u are not online..

so i m blogging again.. dono why.. when i have nothing to do, i will feel like writing something..

over and over... i like to express my thinking out some where.. if i find i cant say it out..

i prefer to write it out and keep it in somewhere secure.. somewher safe.. somewhere private.. somewher belong to me oni! where i can say anything i like..

oh well, i manage to finish one essay but i left two.. so i dono how..

and my mind told me to shut down edi.. so i donwan to force myself too hard as well.. i just find it is hard..and it is so suffer..just allow me to lazy for this time....

well, i find out i really cant bear with her anymore. sigh, i feel so hard to breather when i stay at this unit, i don feel like staying here, yea, she doesnt do anything to me anymore, even talk aso we had minimize it as possible as we can.. but then i still see her bu shun yan!! and i dono how to do!! haih... therefore, an idea to move out from the unit appear from my mind, i feel like going to the residence center and request for shifting out..

to get rid of her, move to a new unit, maybe when i don face her tat much, i wont feel she is so fake and ugly, and i wil change my perception towards her..then i can face her more naturally.. i feel so suffer when i still have to masking at home!!OMG, who can put off my mask.. and let me be myself...

but then all this is impossible for me, whr am i going to move.. right? haih.. and if i moved, more things will happen, sometimes i just wan to get rid of these problems, they have been haunting me man!! oh damn.. i really donwa give them a shit.. but then i couldnt.. the previous friendship was so real but then why.. it changes to be so evil in a short time..

my pm now is showing " the irony in the real life world is good people all dead and the one who survive will be evil." it is so unfair right.. why could this happen? but then this is the true reflection of life. maybe i should say it in other words, not evil people will be able to survive, it is people who can adpat accroding to environment will survive, my dad told me, past thing is past and u will never can get it back, so is that the memories that fade can oni be keep in heart but no more chance to be realise? haih.. sigh again!!!

well, im quite emo for the whole day, i dono why.. actually i feel better after i woke up from the sleep.. but then when i laughed, my heart actually was feeling very empty.. it has nothing inside.. i have no heart to do anythg.. i don feel any satisfaction in it.. and i will start to think myself in a very fake way.. u ever told me that , the way i laugh to u is very fake, just like how i laugh with her, well.. i think so.. after being so long time with her and be in that kind of class, i start to laugh in a fake way, and sometimes i even confused with the fake and true.. i even get use to it until i reallt tot i should react in that way.. until it becomes so natural....

i donwan to lost myself in this reality life.. i wan back the true self, the one who laugh when really happy and cry out loud when im in sad.. can i ?

emo-ing

i dono why, im being so lazy for this weekend,
i had fun with my parents but then now when i m staying at my hostel,
i really feel like lazying!!!!!! i don feel like doin anything..
so end up im wasting time.. doin nothing... surf net, looking at here and there...
what i get for these few hours?? NOPE..
i get nothing but wasting time.. and i claimed the time passed so fast!!
just in a flip of eyes, a few hours fly... well, what happen to me?? i feel so sorry to myself, the devil of lazy is so strong!! it controls me... i dono what happen to myself, i feel like im a lazy bum bum.. just wanna sit down there and do nothing... UGH!!!
whr is my spirit all gone?? i dono.. i really dono....
my period is coming... and it suffers me!! i wonder why everytime it come visit, i cant do thing proper and i feel extremely tired!!!!!!!! i feel so much emotional right now, and i need u more and more.. i wan ur company for every seconds!!!!!!
sigh.. baby oo.. i m missing u again... i know it is silly for me to abandone my homework aside, but then.. ugh.. i feeel soooooo emo right now... helps!!!!

Missing You

i cant sleep tonight. julie called me and talked quite a lot of things,
undoubtly, it will be her and ivy stuff again,
well, i dono why i have a weird feeling...
when julie said she is not care bout whether ivy will be her fren, i sense that she actually do care bout this friendship and she actually feel sad as ivy say she is a evil gal..
i just have that tiny sound told me that she is disappointed with ivy, but then she doesnt wan to say it out cos she wanna be strong and she doesnt want anybody sees her weaker side..
well, maybe i just think too much, she actually don care.. i dono.. just my guess! doesnt reflect anything..
ok, i will stop this topic now...


what i wanna say is actually i miss u, i feel an urge to have u by my side right now,
i wish u could be at my side when i face all these problems, i wish u are the one who listen to me when i m in trouble.. i wanna hear your voice and your opinion, to teach me how to do..
just like how last saturday did... u company me for the whole night as i complaining bout my problem.. obviously, last week i seemed to be a bit more fierce and 'ji dong'... as compared to last week, i seem to be more calm now and think rationally..
but u arent here.. perhaps u had edi fall asleep.. but do u hear my little heart voice that is calling for u ?? saying that i miss you so much..
this afternoon we get to talk on the phone, yea.. of cos it is a nice talk, and as usual, im the one who talk the most.. i just cant control myself, i seemed to be have so much things want to tell u when im given the chance to talk to u.. i wanna let u know everything bout me, everything that happen in my life.. update u with the most recent news in my life.. cos i wan u to be part of my live... i donwan u to feel left out from my world, u are still part of it!! u make my whole.. u fill the hole in me and complete my soul.. how could i separate from you...
Muakss! i miss you.. and when the feeling of missing you is flooding me.. you online and you msg me!! hehe.. so im going to stop here and chat with u!!! ^^

Endless Problems..

well, finaly i get to edit my profile!
nice ma? hehe... will it be too pink?LOL.. i wan hear comment from baby oo!!
tonight, once again, happens a lot of things..
and i dono why must be saturday night is the worst night!!
sure all the friends problem come to me... what can i say now, is i really have no mood to do all these!!
ivy msn-ed me just now, and she told me that she is really disappointed with julie, well..
becos she thinks that julie backstabbed her,
she thinks julie as a real devil edi..
and she told she is no more friends with julie, just like how me and mayker..
well, i dono how to say, i was in the middle again.. WHY!!
i hate all these conflicts come to me.
and the most shit things is, i will get moody of these problems..
although this time, ivy,and lum seemed to be calm, what shock me is that lum even is the one who can think rationally and analysis the whole incident..
but then their problem is bothering my mind right now, never before, i met these kind of problems in friendship, never ever be so serious like now..
J8, really separated.. scattered all around...
is this a good thing? (in the process to think positively)...
maybe the good thing is that everyone can mix in the group they are comfortable with, and no more bond to each other with some invisible kind of 'friends rule'.. everyone can be themselves in their group.. no need to mask themselve anymore...
chinese proverbs said that alike people mix together, so is that i will become like julie and lum if i continue to mix with them, if i could be as clever as them, i really don mind one, but then will my thinking think in their ways?? NO.. i donwan that, it will be too extreme for me, maybe i should learn ways to get my stand strong but not until a level called 'stubborn' and 'big headed'... perhaps three of us will influence each other in some ways, which lead us to better person..
for example, they will think in a more considerate ways.. and i will not be that soft again.. learn to be stronger, etc..
hmm, think in this way make me feel nicer, good!
but really a bit sad.. actually we are a whole big bunch of friends who came from different culture and different background.. how sweet is it to form a big family with that, we can learn different things from each other, however, becos of diferences in thinking and attitude and the most important is lack of tolerance, we are not able to stand with each other already and we are now separated!!! *sigh* any medicine can cure this? i don dare to put hope anymore.
Just let it be, as both side of them have their own stand and their own thinking ways as well as their theory of friendship, what can i do? nothing can help.. it can oni decide by the god..
Dear lord, please bless the friendship of J8. All the arguments sources from little misunderstanding.. Please give them time to make clear for everything... and one more time to reunion!!! A-men..

A letter to Friendship that existed long time ago and passed away:
i really missed those time, we have fun and joke together.. the time we realy put trust on each other, and the devil of confliction have not appear and disturb u.. i really appreciate every friendship i have..
hope this broken frienship can go through the test of time.
and i know once we go through the hard time, we will be reunion again and be friends forever!!!
ivy said she will still treat me as fren altho i will be friend with julie, but i know no matter what, the scars are owes there.. so GOD, pls bless us!!
eliminate all the misunderstandings and restart the frienship into its starting point...
we have learnt our lessons....we will grow after this...
please come back to me again..Thank you..

new thoughts, new life, new me.

the time now is showing about one in the morning,
well.. i still have no any sleepy feeling yet..
few days din blog edi, so now im here..
went to meet my parents just now, feel so nice!!
i mean the feeling of family is owes there.. i miss them very much..
as usual, i told my day a lot of things.. include my friend's problem..
of cos, he taught me some lesson of life too.. and im so grateful that i have him as my dad!!
muakss.. love him.. as well as my mother too..
although my mum din teach me much, she supports me from behind.. both of them really love me very much!! i feel like im owes their baby!! i dono how to describe my feeling to them..
sometimes i felt im the lucky one..
i have a good family as compared to those who has broken family..
i have a good hubby who loves me very much..
and i have two good friends which are lum and julie as they owes keep problem away from me..
whatelse i can hope for? my study? well.. i can oni work hard on my own..
i told my dad studying law isnt as easy as he think... i felt stress by staying in a scholar group..
i told him i can never be top in my academic studies..
what i can expect is my co-curricular which will help to complement my average study..
he said that sometimes things can be look from different view and also can be approach in different ways.. if i find i can never score with my current study ways, is that i should change it? into a more effective way ?? yeah.. he is right.. maybe i should start to change my attitude and all those things..
one thing is that i know i had change.. my mindset has change..
i no longer feel pointless to study cos i see a target by studying..
i know i should achieve it!! and this make me think more positively...
i will kick out all the negative emotions from my mind!! and start a new life..
your history is already past, and it is no longer exists in your current life..
u should live in a new life now. but never in the past.. yea true.. i agree wit that and now i should love u with my new heart too..
no longer the old hear that so flower.. hahaa...am i right???
muakss. love u..
i tot i can see u online.. but i din.. nvm larrr..
let u know tat im missing u all the time..

im free!!!

Ffffff~!!! finally i passed my issue analysis, which is the most headache thing ever in my life..felt so much release when i came out from the consulation room in the morning, it was the first time i felt so much lucky by im the first in the group..HAHAHAHA.. pity to those who haven't done it yet.. IM FREE NOW! yeah..

although tomorrow still have a legal presentation, it was not that scary as compared to this! ahakz.. the moment i went into the room, i felt like im going to be punished death penalty.. haha.. as if i will not be able to come out from the room if i am not doing well, but luckily, i was survived!! thanks god....

feel so sorry oh i cant chat with baby last night, cos i m so nervous with the coming issue analysis today..anyway,im looking forward to u on9 tonight.. hahaz.. im so happy right now.. mixed with a feeling of blur blur, because i just woke up from my afternoon nap.. which is very long!! haha.. now eyes have a bit pain pain..

i havent memorise my speech neh!! feel so tiring in memorising things edi!! haha.. i tell u oh.. the mk ar, she do thing never serious o, dono whether im lucky or not in same group with her, i told u that before this she say i will die one ma cos my english not good and my presentation not as good as her also but then hor, the work she done is so cacat know.. luckily we repaired it together, if not she is going to pull me down as well.. cant wait for tomorrow.. After finished the presentation, im free from her!! we no need have any interactions anymore.. Nyiahahaha...

im missing u badly at this moment..

baby, it is raining right now.
have thunder somemore, very scary know..
how good if u are beside me right now.
i onlined, but u are not on, wonder what are u doin right now?
working ar?
i jus back from meeting with clement and fad, who are bowlers from sabah..
well, went to one utama there for yam cha oni, i din eat at all..
after come back was already 11 plus, well... i dono y i have no mood in doin my works anymore..
i jus miss u so much and badly..
i feel like giving myself a time to rest..
i wanted to sleep, but my mind don feel like sleeping yet..
so im now blogging.. to tell u how much i miss u..
the feeling of missing u is actually very terrible know, like my heart is floating on the air, up and down without a stable position..
maybe because of the rain, i miss u even more at this night..
i don feel like talking right now, but i wan u are beside me, talking to me, or hug me.. to give me the security that oni u could give me.. console my unpeace heart with ur special power..
just simply with ur company, i will feel much better, i feel weird with this too.. i dono how the chemical reaction between me and you happen, but then it just happened!!
and im no regret for it..
hearing the sound of thunder out there, i feel myself i being moody aso.. my day is aso gloomy as the weather.. I MISS YOU!! can u listen to me.. i just wanna tell u I MISS U..
well, i know the whole post seemed to be unorganised, but i cant make a proper sentence right now.. my heart lost a piece followed with your leaving..
i m not hatred as how was i being like last year edi, instead im now more mature and more confident in our relationship edi, maybe this is because the feedback u gave me is quite positive.. tat calm my heart as i know u are loving me as how i love u too..therefore, it is enough.. i don require much, i can build my future with u then it is more than enough..
well, from now onwards, i think i don believe in one-sided love edi, it is so much suffering.. those who are willing in one sided actually is hoping a miracle at the end of the day..which means their love will be returned..
the thunder still going on.. my heart beat like the thunder.. the feeling of missing you can never be eliminated from my heart.. i really miss u baby.. good night and have a sweet dream..

I MISS YOU

im devil..

today really not a good day for me i guess..early early morning wake up, edi saw a bitch sitting down in living room bermesra-mesraan with her own 'ex'..how much i hope my eyes are blind at that time so that i wont see such an annoying scene!!need to wash eyes after this edi.. hahax..!
i know i sound like a devil now, cos my mood is totally in downturn!!
besides that bitch thing, another guy is also making me mad...stupid lum kok huat, fuck off larr. u think u very great is it?? i swear im going to win for this time.. i m not letting u to control my emotion again... u wanna let go, right? im so impress by hearing u wan to do so.. and are u expecting me to say something i need you?? don ever dream larrr.. it will be never happen again.. i admit that i need your help in study, but then doesnt mean i cant survive at all if withour ur helping.. i wont hold u becos of this reason, i don need u at all in my life. u cant give me anything!!! if u are betting with me this time, i will guaranterr u will lost.. even though i failed in my study, that oni prove im bad and im not qualifying as a scholarr.. i don need your sympathy towards me! hnngh..
i will prove to u i can do it by myself.. although im not as smart as u, but then i will show u that i get this scholarship with my own qualification but not with luck.. from this moment onwards, u have nothing to do with me, and i think u have nothing to do with my stuff as well. don ever ask me anything regards my personal things.. im gonna totally eliminate myself from u... but i still have some study groups with u.. hmm! nvm.. i will minimise the chance to keep contact wit you.. FUCK OFF!! i hate all the guys in my life.. u all are so bitchy fucking asshole.. besides sex, watelse u all know how to think???don love me at the first place if u cant take it.. i have warned u, dont i? it is your choice to love me, i din hold a gun and force u to do so, if end up u don get wat u want, don put the blame on me!! damn u!it is u urself make ur life suffer but not me.. im hating to take all the blame edi.. on the other hand, u shall thank me becos i taught u another lesson of life which is so precious to u... im now satisfied with my love life, i have one hubby name eagle who love me so much and i love her too. get away from mylife and never come to me again..
alright, baby, i know when u are reading this, u will get kind of shock, how come ur baby become a tigress!! haha.. don scare larr.. im just expressing some kind of thoughts which i will neve dare to say out.. i can oni release it here.. and now i feel so much better.. phewww~!! hehe.. i really love u de o ...
i have told u right, i don mind the gender of my love partner as long as they are loving me then enough..what can i say is oni sorry for those guys who appear too much latter from u.. u have grabbed my heart since the 1st time and now u have locked it somemore.. it has no ways to run away from u again and it will stick to u all the time o!!!! don abuse it oh. hehe.. last time i do feel bad by rejecting them and of cos, now i do feel kind of regret for losing such a good teacher.. but then, nothing is perfect in this world, if he doesnt like me in the 1st place, i think he wont willing to give out so much to me also.. so i did pay for the prices of this lesson.. and i should not be feeling sorry again.. becos there is always fair in this world, u must be giving out something oni u can get something in return.. since now im refuse to give out my care and love to him anymore, i think it is fair for him to take his care and love back as well..
i din blame him after all..becos he is the victim in this case, he gain nothing at last besides the oni memories.. while i gain ur love and i m so sure that im loving u so much right now. maybe he is right, i will not change again in loving you. well, im not just say say oh.. im proving to u right??
aldane and lum, i kicked both of them out of my life edi.. im gonna love u with my solely heart!!! *winks*
now is the time of 12.15 pm, it is afternoon edi, and i ate nothing lerr..too kit dong until don realise the feeling of hungry.. i have nothing to eat o.. want baby cook for me!! hehehe... im now working hard in my math o.. guai ma?hehe.. i have make this blog private lor.. and u are the oni reader.. wonder should i add jia wen.. ?? but i wish u are the oni one who can see my true heart le..

Friends Issues

Well, i m blogging again..since the last post until now, basicaly i done nth...for few hours!!!
although i say i wanna catch up with my homework, but end up im surfing net, and so many hours past!! OMG!!!time, pls wait for me!!! don leave me far behind!!!
just now chatted with ivy, in some matter of friends..
make me start to emo as well..
once upon of time, i really thought im the most lucky person as i get to meet a group a friends who are truly nice!! they help each other when each of the friends met problem.. they share their emotion together..hang out together and crazy together!! doing stuff together, lunch together, talk together!!!!!!i think from primary school until college, i never lack of friend, for me, friends are really important in my life. because i need to share my feelings and emotion with my friends!! i need to tell them how i feeel.. i need someone beside me when im down.. i need to them to give me back my confidence.. if not, i will go crazy!! and wrap myself in my own world..
but then, since when the so called friends beside me not simply friends anymore?? it starts to mix with various of dark reasons behind it.. they have their own intentions by making friends but not be friends come from heart anymore.. i cant look them in a simple way anymore. i need to judge them again for everything they did.. what they do will be another shocking reasons behind it! and everytime i re-judge them, i will get more disappointed with them... why this could happen? is that once people grow older, their mind become more and more complicated, and the level of trust between people fall?? that's why the people at my age now doubt others more, instead of putting a believe on each other?? i DONWAN!! give me back my innocent mind, i donwan think so much...
Why is now, a friend is no more willing to help each other?? but must help with a condition?? is this because of the malaysian education system which is concentrating too much in academic result? or just simply the students nowadays become more and more selfish and self-centered?? or in a positive way, the students now love themselves more than other people??? TER system is meant for comparing, when talk about compare, it means when there is a strong guy, there will be a weaker one. is this system cause the student compete on each other? until there is no more existence of co-operation and teamwork.. the worst is that no more caring at all..everybody will be work as an individual body.. The topic that linger around the student will be only study study and no more other stuffs.. even they talk aso,either crapz or nonsense thing, if relate to study, they need to be very aware to each other, scare that they will accidentally tell the answer out and blamed by the memebrs of group.. or must be very alert not to tell the answer out so that the other people wont get to copy the answer. or an opposite case, will be purposely give out wrong information to misguide another group.. or in other case, they don talk at all... So scary,isnt it??? especially for a group of students who all also have high achievement in their academic result. their achievement makes them proud and lead them even more reluctant to share their knowledge cos they scare it will affects their high position..
i feel that it is hard to find a true friend in this stage of life which is a simple job for me in my past 18 years.when i wanna find someone to talk or share, there seemed to be no one for me,besides my love one.. what a tragedy for me..of cos on the other hand, i understand that, everyone is a single individual in this life, u come here by your own, of cos u have to live by your own, no one can help u .. no matter how close a two person are, there will be a day for separation. even though ur parents, they oni can be ur guardian but never live for u! somemore it is only a friend who born in a totally different environment with you, what u experience, they are not necessary experienced it, so how could we expect them to think the same way like us??? how could we expect them to help us when we are in trouble.?? they have no the responsibility to ensure my emotion stability.. they have no responsibility in sharing my stupid thinking right~
everyone has their own thinking way, what A think will be different from what B think and both of them are correct!! so.. how to justify who is right and who is wrong? their expectation from a frienship is different which causes the misunderstanding.. and thus, confliction occurs!! isnt life suffering? why do human make friends? because they are social creatures, they need to social with others then only they can survive, but then because of socialisation, all sorts of problems and misunderstanding encounters!!!
luckily, the god is so much clever, HE owes know how to balance things up! just like a quote say that "when he shut one of your window, he surely will open another door for u". so, if i cant find a solution through friends, i can solve all these from my love one, who is always my friends and lover. love me and care me or even boost my confidence can be found on my baby, how lucky am i!!
well.. if u don understand or get confused in what am i saying... nvm.. i m just complaining..u might just ignore it!! wow.. i typed such a long post again.. HAHAHA.. so satisfy to look at it.. *ss again* OMG..!!!!

self-motivation. In other words, SS-ing. ^.*

Hmm, actually i wanted to write something..i feel so much to write and update this blog, but too bad, everytime the lazy devil manage to pull me away!! hahaz..and sometimes i have a lot in my mind but couldnt express it out.. that y i will leave it blank.. Look at my blog, now left the only one post again and again!! i wan to get back my old post.. UGHHH!! so sad...
today is weekend!! in other words, NO school..
and i slept until 9.30(still consider early edi ho..).. hahaz..
i started my math homework, and i finished one more part of exercise!! yeah yeah..
im so happy and proud for that, but then.. flip through the text book,
i m disappointed again, it still has a long journey to go only i can finish the whole chapter!!! ugh...
cham cham cham... i tel myself need to jia you jia you lor!!!!!
besides math, i think i still have a lot of homeworks pending out there, haiyooo..
don care lar, i wanna add oil in my math o, i donwan to have a bad result again!!
for subject like english, i don care lar, those language subject, i cant help it anymore larrr,
just let it be lor.. hahaz..
Sometimes it has no point to push myself so hard, if my standard is only there.
i admit that i do feel sad and my self-confidence is being supress becos im now mixing around a group of 'genius scholar', i felt myself is the poorest among them.. in terms of public speaking, examination etc.. i felt i had become a slow learner, people had already fully understand what the lecturer taught, but then im still blur blur there without understanding a part.. i feeel so sad when i figure that out.. but then that was my previous thinking!!!!
now it is going to change, since i cant change my result, my thinking and learning ability, i will change my self-attitude!! like what i said, no point to push myself so hard if i memang cant do it. don misunderstand that im giving up or what so ever, im not!! but i accept myself for being poor, yeah, my english not good, but then so?? i will learn, learn from those who already good in english.. learn from my own mistake!!! im slow learner, so what?? as long as i will understand it at last and i can go for the exam. although i take longer time..nvm, i still learn the thing u learnt!!
i believe that sure has some part of me stronger and better from the rest.. only i cant figure it out doesnt mean im bad for everything right.. maybe im not competent in the academic part, maybe i still need to rely on somebody to guide me in doing homework, but is that mean im bad? is that mean i should be ashame with myself?? NO-NO.. i tell myself.
i should be proud of i can mix with all those clever people, because they teach me how to be strong!! teach me that there are always people who are greater than me out there, and i should always improve myself in order to catch up with their pace.. of cos there are always some stress for being a scholar, but then it makes me wanna study harder and harder!! but at the same time, it eliminates all my time to have fun and enjoy life!!! hahaz..
Im now VERY satisfied with my life, i have someone to love and love me back as well, then i believe i surely can cope with my study as long as i don give up. whatelse? oh yea!! my family.. i love them and of cos they love me!!! friends? i have lots of good frens which cant count finis by fingers!!!! ( altho i do meet some bad frens.. but they are no more important in my life so ignore!! ignore!! haha..) then, money?? hmm.. lately use quite a lot until pokkai edi, but then still enuf to survive!! (just need to cut off some cost to shopping etc.. LOL.) SO..! whatelse i wan from? No more.. im satisfied with it edi..
therefore, start from this moment onward, i will try my best for everything!!
i wanna be active in both sport and academic field, and love my baby with all my heart then treat my friends with the most sincere heart, love my parents and don disappointed them by doing all my best in my study!!! of cos.. the most important thing is that i will LOVE myself the best.. hehe..
If, really i try my best and still cant go for australia, maybe that is what god decide for me, i think i shall be still satisfy with it. As i get JPA, out of so many students, i think im consider to be the lucky one.. anyway, don think bout this 1st, it still long way to go.. now should look forward for my nuclear weapon!!!! (arggghhh, scare o!!!) >.<~ *boom boom* *dead*

Careless.. Regretful!!

Well, i just don understand why im so careless!!
i deleted my previous blog accidentally..
i actually wanna delete the J8 blog, but then wrong press.. and the consequences are..
i lost both....
Ugh!!! im so sad bout that..
i lost one part of my memory edi!!!
but then maybe this is good for me, so that all the sad memories can be erased..
and now i shall have a new start!!! isnt it?
today have just finished my econs presentation, wht is the comment?
em.. not good and not bad..
i did memorise for my speech but i still refer some point to the paper,
i wonder why do my brain will get blank everytime i stand in front of the public!! sigh..
when oni i can improve??
ok, fine i wanna stop talking bout that..!
it had past.. and i cant help in changing anything already.
well, today i have IELTS workshop, as usual, i HATE english,
and the irony is that im now using english to type my blog!! haha..
i almost use english for everyday, and im hating it so much.
i just cant love it.. i felt very confusing with it. and i cant figure out the reason why do i hate it so much.