Friends Issues

Well, i m blogging again..since the last post until now, basicaly i done nth...for few hours!!!
although i say i wanna catch up with my homework, but end up im surfing net, and so many hours past!! OMG!!!time, pls wait for me!!! don leave me far behind!!!
just now chatted with ivy, in some matter of friends..
make me start to emo as well..
once upon of time, i really thought im the most lucky person as i get to meet a group a friends who are truly nice!! they help each other when each of the friends met problem.. they share their emotion together..hang out together and crazy together!! doing stuff together, lunch together, talk together!!!!!!i think from primary school until college, i never lack of friend, for me, friends are really important in my life. because i need to share my feelings and emotion with my friends!! i need to tell them how i feeel.. i need someone beside me when im down.. i need to them to give me back my confidence.. if not, i will go crazy!! and wrap myself in my own world..
but then, since when the so called friends beside me not simply friends anymore?? it starts to mix with various of dark reasons behind it.. they have their own intentions by making friends but not be friends come from heart anymore.. i cant look them in a simple way anymore. i need to judge them again for everything they did.. what they do will be another shocking reasons behind it! and everytime i re-judge them, i will get more disappointed with them... why this could happen? is that once people grow older, their mind become more and more complicated, and the level of trust between people fall?? that's why the people at my age now doubt others more, instead of putting a believe on each other?? i DONWAN!! give me back my innocent mind, i donwan think so much...
Why is now, a friend is no more willing to help each other?? but must help with a condition?? is this because of the malaysian education system which is concentrating too much in academic result? or just simply the students nowadays become more and more selfish and self-centered?? or in a positive way, the students now love themselves more than other people??? TER system is meant for comparing, when talk about compare, it means when there is a strong guy, there will be a weaker one. is this system cause the student compete on each other? until there is no more existence of co-operation and teamwork.. the worst is that no more caring at all..everybody will be work as an individual body.. The topic that linger around the student will be only study study and no more other stuffs.. even they talk aso,either crapz or nonsense thing, if relate to study, they need to be very aware to each other, scare that they will accidentally tell the answer out and blamed by the memebrs of group.. or must be very alert not to tell the answer out so that the other people wont get to copy the answer. or an opposite case, will be purposely give out wrong information to misguide another group.. or in other case, they don talk at all... So scary,isnt it??? especially for a group of students who all also have high achievement in their academic result. their achievement makes them proud and lead them even more reluctant to share their knowledge cos they scare it will affects their high position..
i feel that it is hard to find a true friend in this stage of life which is a simple job for me in my past 18 years.when i wanna find someone to talk or share, there seemed to be no one for me,besides my love one.. what a tragedy for me..of cos on the other hand, i understand that, everyone is a single individual in this life, u come here by your own, of cos u have to live by your own, no one can help u .. no matter how close a two person are, there will be a day for separation. even though ur parents, they oni can be ur guardian but never live for u! somemore it is only a friend who born in a totally different environment with you, what u experience, they are not necessary experienced it, so how could we expect them to think the same way like us??? how could we expect them to help us when we are in trouble.?? they have no the responsibility to ensure my emotion stability.. they have no responsibility in sharing my stupid thinking right~
everyone has their own thinking way, what A think will be different from what B think and both of them are correct!! so.. how to justify who is right and who is wrong? their expectation from a frienship is different which causes the misunderstanding.. and thus, confliction occurs!! isnt life suffering? why do human make friends? because they are social creatures, they need to social with others then only they can survive, but then because of socialisation, all sorts of problems and misunderstanding encounters!!!
luckily, the god is so much clever, HE owes know how to balance things up! just like a quote say that "when he shut one of your window, he surely will open another door for u". so, if i cant find a solution through friends, i can solve all these from my love one, who is always my friends and lover. love me and care me or even boost my confidence can be found on my baby, how lucky am i!!
well.. if u don understand or get confused in what am i saying... nvm.. i m just complaining..u might just ignore it!! wow.. i typed such a long post again.. HAHAHA.. so satisfy to look at it.. *ss again* OMG..!!!!