This gonna be a LAME post (not lamp post though). why? because you have heard it for thousand of times and you gonna hear/read it for another time again.
Sometimes, what you work hard at not necessary get paid off. The hard work you put in or the effort you gave out, which at that point of time, you think it is suffice for a good return. It does not.That's the truth. and it seems to be able to apply on any situation. study, relationship, work, etc.. just name it. That's why the lesson of the story is never put high expectation. Expectation, is just a way to kill you. Too bad the modern people today like to commit suicide. so they think high, think big and expect high achievement, while the truth just slashed all the hopes into pieces and push you down the hill and shouting at you "stop dreaming!" kinda negative thought right. exactly how i feel right now. =S
How much i wish i could have the ability of eraser, or a deleting function installed at my mind, that i could erase or delete anything i dont like about my life or those events that make me sad, then i could be happy forever. i wouldnt have suffer the feeling right now, where the mind keep asking myself: where did i gone wrong? why i deserve this? until i feel so suffocated.
think it other way round, it is not a BIG deal, not a BIG deal that i have to go to die now, think it POSITIVELY, it is actually still acceptable, or to some people, they may even feeling gratefully. so why am i being such a negative girl here?! why do i need to be so greedy. or why do i not appreciating what i have now. or why dont i just move forward and change my future to better rather than being sad for what happened? W-H-Y?
well, to friends who care, don't worry too much. i guess the post have a little bit exaggerating effect because what am i talking simply petty matters--bad result. and that is disturbing. get out of my mind.
Thursday, July 29
Wednesday, July 28
Chipsmore!
我相信所有fb的朋友都知道我的感情生活更新了，
更新，却不意味着新男友，纯粹只是从单身变成不在单身，
一直默默关心我的朋友会知道“新”的他是个旧相好，
有一个朋友还comment说：我和他之间的感情，就像chipsmore一样，时有时无的，形容的真贴切啊！
或许如此，很多人（包括我自己）都很纳闷，为什么当时辛辛苦苦分手，现在又跑回一起呢？
想不通，也不懂，好像注定似的，怎样走也走不开，还是这其实是我的选择？复杂的感情，和复杂的心情，真的不是三言两语就能道尽的...
简单的人就会说，他对你好，你和他一起能够开心就够了，还要想那么多干吗？对了嗬，开心就好了嘛，简简单单没烦恼，干嘛自找苦吃...也许，这就是局外人的看法，远远比我这个局内人来的客观。
他问我，你不想公布我们的感情吗？还是，你不承认我？我心里呐喊着不是！这不是我想的，我只是害怕，害怕着什么？害怕我们的感情再次受到挑战，而不善而终..问题应该是出在我身上罢，一旦你成为大家公认的“男朋友”，我会贪心，我会想要更多，而你只会觉得辛苦，一旦这个结不被解开，恐怕这段感情的结局并不会是开心的...
别问我为什么要把事情想得那么复杂？我身不由己..
更新，却不意味着新男友，纯粹只是从单身变成不在单身，
一直默默关心我的朋友会知道“新”的他是个旧相好，
有一个朋友还comment说：我和他之间的感情，就像chipsmore一样，时有时无的，形容的真贴切啊！
或许如此，很多人（包括我自己）都很纳闷，为什么当时辛辛苦苦分手，现在又跑回一起呢？
想不通，也不懂，好像注定似的，怎样走也走不开，还是这其实是我的选择？复杂的感情，和复杂的心情，真的不是三言两语就能道尽的...
简单的人就会说，他对你好，你和他一起能够开心就够了，还要想那么多干吗？对了嗬，开心就好了嘛，简简单单没烦恼，干嘛自找苦吃...也许，这就是局外人的看法，远远比我这个局内人来的客观。
他问我，你不想公布我们的感情吗？还是，你不承认我？我心里呐喊着不是！这不是我想的，我只是害怕，害怕着什么？害怕我们的感情再次受到挑战，而不善而终..问题应该是出在我身上罢，一旦你成为大家公认的“男朋友”，我会贪心，我会想要更多，而你只会觉得辛苦，一旦这个结不被解开，恐怕这段感情的结局并不会是开心的...
别问我为什么要把事情想得那么复杂？我身不由己..
Tuesday, July 27
reasons why people stop blogging?
Often there are only two reason why people never update their blog.
One, their life is so boring that everything is so routine and therefore not worth to repeat it at every new post.
Second, which is also the opposite, the life is so pack until they have no time to blog about it. when they finally have time to do so, they have forgotten what is the most exciting because everyday of their life is so meaningful..
Only after a while when they realised "oh, i had a blog and let's look at it." Then they start blogging again. =)
One, their life is so boring that everything is so routine and therefore not worth to repeat it at every new post.
Second, which is also the opposite, the life is so pack until they have no time to blog about it. when they finally have time to do so, they have forgotten what is the most exciting because everyday of their life is so meaningful..
Only after a while when they realised "oh, i had a blog and let's look at it." Then they start blogging again. =)
Monday, July 26
a lesson
i wish i have no feelings. i even wish i m not a human.
so that i wouldn't suffer all this kind of torture.
it is torturing my soul. why love? why hate? why must they co-exist in this world?
i hate for being such a possessive girl. i hate it.
i know what is the meaning behind it. i just wan the full attention. i just wan the security.
but god never let me get it. so i have to deal with it myself.
when the times come, i feel like just bury myself in a dark world. and the knife just stabbed in to my heart. i couldn't deal it by myself. i cant!
so, it is still a lesson for me to learn. god damn it.
so that i wouldn't suffer all this kind of torture.
it is torturing my soul. why love? why hate? why must they co-exist in this world?
i hate for being such a possessive girl. i hate it.
i know what is the meaning behind it. i just wan the full attention. i just wan the security.
but god never let me get it. so i have to deal with it myself.
when the times come, i feel like just bury myself in a dark world. and the knife just stabbed in to my heart. i couldn't deal it by myself. i cant!
so, it is still a lesson for me to learn. god damn it.
Sunday, July 25
feelings
a friend of mine talk me about feelings today.
he said, there is some part of brain created feeling and this area called neuroscience.
dictionary.com defines it as some sort of sensibilities and emotions. its close relative would be perception. Every person would have different feelings towards the same thing.
it is a stereotype that when come to a relationship, everyone would talk about feelings. "If this guy makes me feel right, then he would be my mr right" or "i feel so right in the first time i met her".. hence, we can know feelings act like a guidance in expanding your social circle. even purely for friendship, we tend to be closer with those make us feel good. feelings again.
surprising to know how significance is it to stand in our life. without feelings, what kind of human would us become? a study machine? or a money earner? without joy or sadness, we are insensitive towards what happen around us.
not gonna write a theoretical essay on feelings, let alone the fact that im not even a researcher on this area. just this friend of mine sort of stimulate my thoughts about feelings, especially its role in a relationship. i used to say this guy treat me well but the feelings just not right, and rejected him. but now, i think i would change my preposition and say it differently. feelings are unreliable. no doubt it is very important, but it doesnt mean we need to rely on it heavily. people tend to misunderstood that no feelings, no relationship. but a clever guy would know how to create those feelings that controlled by the brain and get the girl's heart. LOL. sound tricky yea. but i guess this is what happen and there are guys out there who is doing this. Of cos, this applies to girl as well. =D
Dont ask me how, because i dont know. in a process that figuring it out. lol.
he said, there is some part of brain created feeling and this area called neuroscience.
dictionary.com defines it as some sort of sensibilities and emotions. its close relative would be perception. Every person would have different feelings towards the same thing.
it is a stereotype that when come to a relationship, everyone would talk about feelings. "If this guy makes me feel right, then he would be my mr right" or "i feel so right in the first time i met her".. hence, we can know feelings act like a guidance in expanding your social circle. even purely for friendship, we tend to be closer with those make us feel good. feelings again.
surprising to know how significance is it to stand in our life. without feelings, what kind of human would us become? a study machine? or a money earner? without joy or sadness, we are insensitive towards what happen around us.
not gonna write a theoretical essay on feelings, let alone the fact that im not even a researcher on this area. just this friend of mine sort of stimulate my thoughts about feelings, especially its role in a relationship. i used to say this guy treat me well but the feelings just not right, and rejected him. but now, i think i would change my preposition and say it differently. feelings are unreliable. no doubt it is very important, but it doesnt mean we need to rely on it heavily. people tend to misunderstood that no feelings, no relationship. but a clever guy would know how to create those feelings that controlled by the brain and get the girl's heart. LOL. sound tricky yea. but i guess this is what happen and there are guys out there who is doing this. Of cos, this applies to girl as well. =D
Dont ask me how, because i dont know. in a process that figuring it out. lol.
spread the love
just realise the number for my webpage counter reach 520.
it means "i love you" in mandarin. who is the 520th visitors?? hehe.
I LOVE YOU, what a powerful word? it has the kind of strength that make up of somebody's world, or at the opposite, crashing somebody's world.
Anyhow, i feel the love tonight. the love is flying at the air. i don't care how many people are missing me now, or even think of me. but at least i know there are always friends who going to remember me, and i remember them as well.
Even though less contact and busy with our own life, but the connection would never break. I miss you my dear friends, my dear parents and a place called HOME. spread the love.
it means "i love you" in mandarin. who is the 520th visitors?? hehe.
I LOVE YOU, what a powerful word? it has the kind of strength that make up of somebody's world, or at the opposite, crashing somebody's world.
Anyhow, i feel the love tonight. the love is flying at the air. i don't care how many people are missing me now, or even think of me. but at least i know there are always friends who going to remember me, and i remember them as well.
Even though less contact and busy with our own life, but the connection would never break. I miss you my dear friends, my dear parents and a place called HOME. spread the love.
what a messy post
what should i be blogging now..?
im sipping a cup of coffee now, with a mind that losing its function.
i cant think right now. i m feeling insecure..need some sense of security.
human born with a right to choose. they can choose what they want. and this right can never be snatch away by someone else, means you always have the right to choose.
choose to be demotivated. or choose to be motivated.
choose to be secured, or choose to be insecure.
choose to face it, or choose to avoid it.
what is my choice? if i have a choice, what do i want to do in my life?
what is called a life? alot of people said live for your life, meaning do anything so that you feel you are alive. at the end, it comes back to the question what is life?what am i pursuing in my life?
i still remember, i learnt a quote that people tends to do different things at different stage of life. when the same thing happens, but at different point of time, your choice and thinking would change too. perhaps because of life experience, but another reason could be the associated social responsibility too. imagine as you get older, the more social obligation is tying on you that makes you feel suffocated sometimes. trying to please everyone around you, or else people will laugh at you for being frog under the well when you are just enjoying yourself in your own world.
human are just a creature that nobody gonna understand. even i myself couldnt understand me too. complicated.
im sipping a cup of coffee now, with a mind that losing its function.
i cant think right now. i m feeling insecure..need some sense of security.
human born with a right to choose. they can choose what they want. and this right can never be snatch away by someone else, means you always have the right to choose.
choose to be demotivated. or choose to be motivated.
choose to be secured, or choose to be insecure.
choose to face it, or choose to avoid it.
what is my choice? if i have a choice, what do i want to do in my life?
what is called a life? alot of people said live for your life, meaning do anything so that you feel you are alive. at the end, it comes back to the question what is life?what am i pursuing in my life?
i still remember, i learnt a quote that people tends to do different things at different stage of life. when the same thing happens, but at different point of time, your choice and thinking would change too. perhaps because of life experience, but another reason could be the associated social responsibility too. imagine as you get older, the more social obligation is tying on you that makes you feel suffocated sometimes. trying to please everyone around you, or else people will laugh at you for being frog under the well when you are just enjoying yourself in your own world.
human are just a creature that nobody gonna understand. even i myself couldnt understand me too. complicated.
Friday, July 23
bulk updates
After come back from Sydney and Canberra trip for the last week of my holiday,
my semester 2 officially commence =D
3 weeks holiday just not enough, because i feel restless.
The winter break is just full of surprise visitors and lots of traveling..
not a bad experience, but my bank account injured severely.
Obviously, my money saving plan failed terribly. Oh god...
i desperately looking forward for JPA banking in money to my bank account.
with the 80 dollar left in my bank, i think i could only survive for another week.
Result for semester 1 released too, well, not SUPER good, but better than what i expected,
so im kinda happy for it.. BEFORE i get to know others done SUPER good. ahhh. greedy human. *Slap slap*
No matter what, now gonna concentrate on my semester 2. Another tough semester again.
taking taxation law this semester, which i initially thought im gonna be a lawyer who contribute in taxation area. However, first week of lecture is so terrifying until i should re-consider it. Taxation world is so dynamic and full of challenges!!! i will see how my result go. *finger cross*
have been thinking why on earth am i self abusing myself by taking up taxation law after the crappy corporations law.. or basically pursuing a law degree is equal to self-abusing?LOL. i think the answer is yes.
Despite that, the stress im facing still couldnt make the kilos goes down, im still having the same weight. ahhh.. the world is not fair. some people reduce half of their size, while i just aim for 1/3 of my body size... i think it is not that greedy. LOL... but food temptation is so evil that i cant even resist them.. sobs..
to end this post, there is some photo from my holiday. the rest pls go to my facebook album.. =)
i feel like im at china.. in fact this is chinese garden at sydney.. love the feelings.. it make me feel like studying a poem.. and it makes me feel good!!
chinese art--dragon!!! =)
bondi beach!!!!!! nice to swim and splash by the wave.. i love beaches...
opera house at the night. it gets a bit dark because i m using oni 2MP phone. lol.. bear with it yea
Harbour Sydney Bridge.. specially dedicated to nicole, my dearest architecture friends, study hard ya!! (evil laugh)
my semester 2 officially commence =D
3 weeks holiday just not enough, because i feel restless.
The winter break is just full of surprise visitors and lots of traveling..
not a bad experience, but my bank account injured severely.
Obviously, my money saving plan failed terribly. Oh god...
i desperately looking forward for JPA banking in money to my bank account.
with the 80 dollar left in my bank, i think i could only survive for another week.
Result for semester 1 released too, well, not SUPER good, but better than what i expected,
so im kinda happy for it.. BEFORE i get to know others done SUPER good. ahhh. greedy human. *Slap slap*
No matter what, now gonna concentrate on my semester 2. Another tough semester again.
taking taxation law this semester, which i initially thought im gonna be a lawyer who contribute in taxation area. However, first week of lecture is so terrifying until i should re-consider it. Taxation world is so dynamic and full of challenges!!! i will see how my result go. *finger cross*
have been thinking why on earth am i self abusing myself by taking up taxation law after the crappy corporations law.. or basically pursuing a law degree is equal to self-abusing?LOL. i think the answer is yes.
Despite that, the stress im facing still couldnt make the kilos goes down, im still having the same weight. ahhh.. the world is not fair. some people reduce half of their size, while i just aim for 1/3 of my body size... i think it is not that greedy. LOL... but food temptation is so evil that i cant even resist them.. sobs..
to end this post, there is some photo from my holiday. the rest pls go to my facebook album.. =)
i feel like im at china.. in fact this is chinese garden at sydney.. love the feelings.. it make me feel like studying a poem.. and it makes me feel good!!
chinese art--dragon!!! =)
bondi beach!!!!!! nice to swim and splash by the wave.. i love beaches...
opera house at the night. it gets a bit dark because i m using oni 2MP phone. lol.. bear with it yea
Harbour Sydney Bridge.. specially dedicated to nicole, my dearest architecture friends, study hard ya!! (evil laugh)
Tuesday, July 6
gosh!
Since 25th June, i have officially declared myself in holiday.. the toughest paper i have in my life so far--corporations law is finally done!!!!! don want talk about it anymore, just finger crossed and hope i will get a pass or a credit...
At the same time, friends from canberra came visit and stay at my house..
which means i have an obligation to be their tour guide, even though i know im not the best one.
frankly speaking, staying at melbourne for 1.5 years does not make me know melbourne any better except for their shopping places especially DFOs.. =P
That's why, i have let them explore melbourne by themselves, LOL.. even so, one out of three weeks of my holidays have been occupied.. and after they went back, i have been cleaning my dirty house, and get myself laid for dramas, dramas, and dramas again... I need more rest!!! AHHHH.. 4 law subjects in a go make me exhausted... need alot of rest and sleep to recharge!! haha..and another 4 more days, i will be flying myself to Sydney and Canberra..
after coming back, i will be preparing myself to face the result and start ready for my sem 2. gosh.. time flies!! i hate it.
went to play bowling with friends and teammates, and get spotted by an instructors who worked in chadstone AMF for playing bowling league. Make me started wondering should i bring my own ball here.. *dilemma*
At the same time, friends from canberra came visit and stay at my house..
which means i have an obligation to be their tour guide, even though i know im not the best one.
frankly speaking, staying at melbourne for 1.5 years does not make me know melbourne any better except for their shopping places especially DFOs.. =P
That's why, i have let them explore melbourne by themselves, LOL.. even so, one out of three weeks of my holidays have been occupied.. and after they went back, i have been cleaning my dirty house, and get myself laid for dramas, dramas, and dramas again... I need more rest!!! AHHHH.. 4 law subjects in a go make me exhausted... need alot of rest and sleep to recharge!! haha..and another 4 more days, i will be flying myself to Sydney and Canberra..
after coming back, i will be preparing myself to face the result and start ready for my sem 2. gosh.. time flies!! i hate it.
went to play bowling with friends and teammates, and get spotted by an instructors who worked in chadstone AMF for playing bowling league. Make me started wondering should i bring my own ball here.. *dilemma*
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