not a BIG deal

This gonna be a LAME post (not lamp post though). why? because you have heard it for thousand of times and you gonna hear/read it for another time again.
Sometimes, what you work hard at not necessary get paid off. The hard work you put in or the effort you gave out, which at that point of time, you think it is suffice for a good return. It does not.That's the truth. and it seems to be able to apply on any situation. study, relationship, work, etc.. just name it. That's why the lesson of the story is never put high expectation. Expectation, is just a way to kill you. Too bad the modern people today like to commit suicide. so they think high, think big and expect high achievement, while the truth just slashed all the hopes into pieces and push you down the hill and shouting at you "stop dreaming!" kinda negative thought right. exactly how i feel right now. =S
How much i wish i could have the ability of eraser, or a deleting function installed at my mind, that i could erase or delete anything i dont like about my life or those events that make me sad, then i could be happy forever. i wouldnt have suffer the feeling right now, where the mind keep asking myself: where did i gone wrong? why i deserve this? until i feel so suffocated.
think it other way round, it is not a BIG deal, not a BIG deal that i have to go to die now, think it POSITIVELY, it is actually still acceptable, or to some people, they may even feeling gratefully. so why am i being such a negative girl here?! why do i need to be so greedy. or why do i not appreciating what i have now. or why dont i just move forward and change my future to better rather than being sad for what happened? W-H-Y?
well, to friends who care, don't worry too much. i guess the post have a little bit exaggerating effect because what am i talking simply petty matters--bad result. and that is disturbing. get out of my mind.