dearest aunty

i realise, there is always opportunity cost in everything..
i let go of my emotion last night,
by having a bad, terrible cry out of the balcony..
in exchange of a sore eyes this mornin..
untill now, only i feel much better with my own eyes..
i couldnt explain why, i have such a negative emotion for recent period..
maybe simply because of my AUNTY VISITOR..
she came today, finally.. a sigh of relieve...
Stress postpone its visit day, i guess..
but volatile , worsening my emotional fluctuation..
sorry to those who around me, for standing my bad tempered..
what i can say.. is sorry..
i don mean it...

i wish i could have a hug now, a gentle warm comfort..
for my unpeace heart..
i still depress, still emoing.. still in bad emotion...
i felt im in a mess..
i lost all the direction...
what is the point, who am i living for right now..
i lost the hope of live in a more simple say...
with the aim of not creating additional hurt on people who i concerned,
i chose to isolate myself, and stay alone..
the feeling is pain and hurt and suffer..
but then it is the best solution isnt it?
i cant be so selfish, i need to think of others who i care and love too..
i need someone, but i couldnt say it out and i dono how..
so i keep it in my heart, hopefully you will know it one day later..

for this moment, i stil need you,
but i m too stubborn to be soft and step out the 1st step.
as i want to retain my own dignity...