A day out

Today went out to watch 'Alvin and the Chipmunks 2'.
the movie was nice. Just we are too late, therefore we got a front seat, which make me uncomfortable. The neck is tired.
After the movie, we sat down at MacDonald and talked for hours.
Wow, it was long. And unexpected too.
This guy actually have a feeling on me. But he cant get me.
I always feel sorry and guilt. Because he had put in so many effort.
What i know bout him is only he loves me.
Yet, I have a totally different perspective on him. I think i understand more about how a guy thinks?
I always thought he doesnt understand love, but only obses with a girl he cant get.
I thought it is his egoism that make him cant move on.
The truth is, im wrong.
We talked, we laughed, we had fun.
I used to feel heavy talking with him, because he will be telling me how much he wanted me, and i will just speechless because i knew i could never reply his love. I have someone else already.
But today, for the first time, we talk like a friend. We even talk about our no-ending-relationship in a very amicable atmosphere.
Also, we share what we fear of in a relationship.
When i talked him my problem in my current relationship, he even advise me with some useful suggestion. I think too much, he said. and because i think too much, it makes the guy run away, He said it again. I can only smile. Because i know it is so true.
He ask me to think less. I say i couldnt because im too free. LOL.
I said i argued with my bf recently. He say, it is nothing to sad about an argument. Because argument improve our understanding. Minor argument helps the couple to understand their problem once at a time. If we don't argue, but put everything in our heart. Wait for the day when one party couldnt stand anymore, the argument would be something irreversible and the relationship would come to the end. So he say somtimes argument is just a way to express your unhappiness.
My reaction was: "WOW, how come he knew to say such thing?" I didnt expect this from him.
Then i talked bout my insecureness in relationship. I gave a metaphor. and it was funny. I said girl is just like a carrot hang in front of a donkey. A donkey would use up all its effort to chase the carrot. But it got the carrot and eaten it, the carrot no longer have any value. It will just become a piece of shit and being left behind. The donkey could just chase after another carrot, but the initial carrot had become a shit and no one would like to have it. I just being traumatized to be in a relationship sometimes because when u close ur heart, the guy wil just try all the way to get into it. But when u finally put down ur guard and let him enter, he would just take it for granted, some even laugh at ur stupidness for being fooled. =S
i know this couldnt apply to every guys. Definately, there will be some exception. It is just too common for these kind of things to happen.

雨过天晴

Everything is settled.
Back to status quo.

吵了，又怎样？
还是回到原点，
放下执著，日子原来轻松很多

塞翁失马，焉知非福
我发现，原来我身边有好多好多关心我的人
他们，是真心的，
他们，是真的不愿看到我不开心
他们所做的一切一切，
就算只是无心的一个comment, 或者有心的sms,
还有简单的：你怎么了？还好吧？要出去走走吗？
我都会记在心里
患难见真情，明白了友情真正的意义
友情，原来是那么温馨的
让我觉得，失去了爱情，并不是世界末日
因为友情也能温暖我的心，
疗我那受伤的心情，并且扩大我的视野，
让我不再钻牛角尖，心情反而豁达了许多
整个人都开朗了，轻松了
爱情，真的不是所有

weird dream

I slept at 5 this morning, and wake up again at 11.
I don feel tired nor sleepy.
It is weird to have such a dream. I dreamt about you.
dreamt about we are having fun back in australia.
My mind turned blank at that moment when i opened my eyes.
It doesnt feel wrong until i realise we have actually broken up. HAHA.
im so slow.. and straight away i return to reality.
YEAH, my memory has no problem. You asked for a break up. and that's the deal!
You told me if we are fated to be together,we would get back together again.
I have been thinking as well, how much do i still want to be in this relationship.
Do i stil want to walk with you for my entire life?
How would i become without you in my life?
All of these are uncertain.
I bet you felt the same.
You have been suffering all this while, and now u felt relieve. Don't you?
The feelings are kinda weird. Because we broken up not because of no love. But broken up for some other reason which is so funny and childish i guess.
sometimes, it seemed to be fated for me to be with you. Everytime we broke up, definately there will be something pull us back again. Maybe because of that, i never really have a thought on you will leave me away one day. For me, you are always there. But at the same time, i was in great dilemma, i do not know do i want to obey the fate?
Future has not come yet. and It is unpredictable. Do i need to waste all my time thinking of it and end up arguing with you because of that stupid unpredicatble future?

两个不同的人， 走在一起，会有幸福吗？
虽说，容忍是幸福的钥匙，
但是，情绪冲上头脑的时候，
愤怒，伤心通常都会蒙蔽了理智，
让自我失控，连你都不了解，还有谁能懂？
我已选择了退一步，你却不明了，继续的用语言攻击我
我想，大家都受伤了，
结果是两败俱伤...

Christmas has ended.

I haven't been out for christmas eve.
Prior to the end of the day of christmas, i received a sms from vigita asking me out for a cup of tea with Marcus.
Well, since i havent been out for the whole day, i decided to join the group.
I thought it will be boring, because im not really close to Marcus, as we never really talk to each other in Lok Yuk.
Well, good things always happened unexpectedly, Chan, Vigit, Marcus and i were having really good time talking to each other (i guess).
i feel really good tonight. REALLY good.
Kind of relax. because the mind was totally chase all the negative thoughts away.
All the complicated stuff are OUT! yeah.

Surround by friends are really good.
and i glad that the friends at kk are still simple.
Make me feel so comfortable when talking with them. p/s:sory no photo!! i din take much photo when i m out with friend. what a regret. haha.
Anyhow, im having fun.
Btw, about the problem between me and my bf,
i really touch to know about the fact that there are so many friends out thr to support me and concern about me. Well, ignore the fact they are 38! ahahz.
but i m really glad. I know im not alone.
Maybe i could survive this time. we shall wait and see.
=)

What's wrong

What's wrong?
i don feel like talking with you at all.
i hate when i need you so much, but you aren't there.
After that, you will be telling me i tie you so much when you can give me all the freedom that i want.
You will be questioning, why i cant do the same as you. but keep on demanding?
And then the argument goes on...endlessly because we never touch on the point.
Whatever i say, you will telling me differently.
I'm so tired to tell you what i want! because you never understand. You will be telling me that:" i've done it now, what do you want from me again?"
What i want is not the action itself, but the heart to do the action.
I donwan to argue. I just want to tell you how i feel. But you see it as I'm angry.
From your point of view, my emotion can only be divided into two types: which are angry and happy. That's all. You cant even dissect it and look into it deeper.

I'm emo, but You're too practical.

The following personality types have been compared:

(ME) Harmony-seeking Idealist: introverted, theoretical, emotional, planning, idealistic, harmony-seeking, understanding, peace-loving, sensitive, quiet, sympathetic, conscientious, dogged, complicated, inconspicuous, warm-hearted, complex, imaginative, inspiring, helpful, demanding, communicative, reserved, vulnerable


Determined Realist: extroverted, practical, logical, planning, direct, structured, conscientious, responsible-minded, self-confident, critical, honest, orderly, reliable, controlled, objective, able to concentrate, resolved, purposeful, communicative, with a sense of duty, tradition-conscious, stable, able to deal with conflicts, solution-oriented, relationship-oriented, efficient, impatient, warm-hearted, competition-oriented



Compatibility analysis

As you two share only one of the four type preferences, you face some real challenges in your daily lives. You often have to deal with miscommunication, different values or needs and sometimes really struggle to find an agreement you both can accept. Nevertheless, opposites attract - if you both try to be particularly respectful and tolerant rather than fighting your differences you‘ll lead an exciting and animated relationship.

Your different social needs may create some frustrations in your relationship. While the introverted partner is content to maintain a small group of close friends and likes to spend a lot of time on his own, often lost in his thoughts, the extroverted partner desperately hungers for contact, social interaction and being engaged in a variety of activities. The extroverted may feel frustrated by his partner‘s need to retreat from everyone - even from the one he loves. The introverted, in return, may be overwhelmed by his partner‘s quick and sometimes impatient way of communication. So you both tend to end up in a cat-and-mouse game: the extroverted chasing the introverted, constantly asking questions like „how do you feel?“, „a penny for your thoughts!“ or „do you still love me?“ ... Try to respect these differences rather than to fight them and learn to appreciate your partner‘s special strenghts as a potential completion of yours.

While the „sensing“ partner of you is good at paying close attention to the present and seeing clearly what needs to be done right now, the „intuitive“ partner ist good at anticipating future and developing plans and visions. This difference is a source of conflict between you two, als the more realistic and practical sensing partner sometimes is lacking interest in the intuitive one‘s more abstract and future-oriented ideas. In return, the theoretical and more global thinking intuitive partner often neglects the down-to-earth activities and interests of the sensing one. Make sure to encourage each other to pursue your own interests, but always take time as well to listen to and to support each other. If not, you‘ll run the risk that the intuitive of you feels overburdened and slowed by unnecessary specifics while the sensing one has trouble and feels stressed in following the intuitive through dreaming up new schemes. Help each other grow and develop new strenghts instead!

The conflicts you two have to deal with usually stem from your difference regarding the third type preference: The „thinking“ partner often is uncomfortable and even impatient when dealing with emotions, so he inadvertently hurts his partner‘s feelings - not really seldom, as „feeling“ types tend to take anything very personally anyway and are unable to take things with a pinch of salt. In return, the emotional outbursts of the feeling partner are a real challenge to thinking types, as well as his tendency to base his decisions on how he feels about an issue rather than on objective and locigal observations. This difference may be a considerable problem for a relationship and requires a lot of tolerance and will to compromise on both sides: The feeling partner has to learn not to be offended so quickly and stand a debate while the thinking partner‘s job is not to dismiss his partner‘s feelings as insiginificant or overreactions. Try to see this difference as complementary strenghts rather than faults in character!

You have the fourth type preference - „judging“ - in common and therefore share a need to have things settled, planned and organized. Therefore, you both like to research your options quickly and make almost instant decisions rather than hanging on endlessly, hesitating and procrastinating. You both enjoy a neat and tidy home, are responsible about your household chores and never ever miss an important deadline. As you are both quite goal-oriented, you often help each other accomplish great things by supporting and encouraging each other within your means. Neither of you values sudden changes, interruptions or surprises of your daily routine. You can rely on each other in every respect - and you know and appreciate this very special quality of your relationship.






Now i think i can understand why we have argument all the time. Tolerance, is the key to keep this relationship. Perhaps, this test judge our relationship in a more practical ways, instead of believing those horoscope, which is baseless and can be true for everyone. This compatibility analysis is specifically compare us, based on our personalities. So, it can be very accurate. But i wonder whether i could be so tolerate? i just cant stand when my emotional needs are not being satisfied! SIGH.

我不想长大

不知不觉，已来到成人的世界，
多么的不愿意也好，也得承认长大的事实...
长大了，能享受自由，
同时间，所有现实的东西将浮入眼前，
犹如洋葱般，一层一层的剥开...
坐在餐厅里，听着你们的对话，
让我觉得，我还是很无知，
感觉上，我还是经不起风浪，
一吹就倒...

zzzzZZZZZ

Wanted to type in english actually,
but i dono why english just cant express my feeling so accurately.
December is coming to the end.
Time flies!! i have eventually came back for one month.
Same routine for everyday. No improvement at all!
is this call HOLIDAY?! haha..

矛盾的心情,越来越来复杂,
理也理不清,
以为放下了,到头来还是藕短丝连,
拉扯的心,让我不知如何是好,
我又陷入了从前的困境
我懂,放手是最好的选择
偏偏,拿的起,却放不下

改变自己

当身边的人，事，物让你无所是从，
也许，就是你改变的时候，
别埋怨它们变得太快，而是自己太过迟钝...
爱情，不过如此，
不是他变得快，而是我没察觉到你那细微的改变，
来不及拯救...

不喜欢呆在家里，因为多余的时间会荼毒我的脑袋
胡思乱想的，结果才发现自己其实多心了，敏感了，
造成许多不应该的误会...

显

不知不觉，回来应该有两个礼拜了罢，
但是，自己却没什么活动，
就只懂得在家里赖，吃喝拉，无一不全，
可能，假期就是这样的吧~
但是，我不想蹉跎岁月，让那宝贵的时间流逝
好想学学新玩意儿，充实充实一下，
打工的念头，完全取消了，
为什么，每次都抱着那三分钟的热度，
做事永远都不能持之以恒，感觉真的有点失败哦！
妈妈说：我看起来心神不宁似的，
当然咯，人没有目的的活下去，
犹如废材